The story that never ends

These are pics and words from different people. They all tell a story and hopefully provide hope, support and encouragement for others;

This page is available for anyone to contribute their story or semi colon photo, even a simple line of encouragement. Sometimes something small goes a long way, Send to: blacknave.semicolon@gmail.com

A Friends Story

We all have stories. These stories are how we like to define ourselves, we share the stories that had us ecstatic when we are joyous. We share those that grieve us when we need to allow ourselves to process the emotions that are weighing us down. Imagine however, for the moment, that all those joyous stories disappear, they fade to black, they become distorted and blank in the mind, and the only memories and thoughts that you can have are those of hate, despair and pain. This, is depression, this is a void, an endless loop of negative thoughts that, in time, will worsen and consume.

My struggle started at a young age, I remember waking my mother up as a 11 year old and saying, “Mom, please help me, I don’t want to live anymore.”, I remember how I just wanted to cease to exist, how I wanted the pain to end. I remember how I would utter to myself, over and over, I am not good enough, I am not lovable, I am not worthy of anything great.

Now, seeing as this letter is about transformation, let’s talk about how I got to the trans-formative state that I am currently in. Some people have noted the weight loss, but to this day I have not told anyone why I chose to lose weight, I always assumed that it is something that should be kept silent, behind the closed doors of a therapist's office.

While I knew I was struggling with depression from a young age, I got on medication later in my life which started to balance me out, and I met someone that saw the beauty in me, that I could not see for myself. I convinced myself that as long as I am in this relationship, I would be happy, I would be fulfilled. I could not love myself, but someone else did, and that was good enough for me at that moment. Want to take a guess at how that worked out?

It collapsed, much like some fragile wall of dominoes does after a mistaken move. The thoughts that were with me all the time amplified and the demons that I have suppressed all came back into existence, to torment me once again. It was not long until I started uttering to myself once again,  I am not good enough, I am not lovable, I am not worthy of anything great. I felt worthless and I was blaming myself for everything that has ever gone wrong in my life again. I just wanted it all to end.

At multiple points in our life, we have to ask if we are complacent with where we are, or if we want something more. If we answer in the form of the latter, we need to do serious introspection and give a great deal of thought to why we are where we are and what might need to change.

This was it. The moment of realization. I had never learned to love myself, and even worse, I had never learned to love others for who they are. It takes a great deal of courage for anyone to admit that they need help, and another great deal of convincing for them to decide that they are going to make a positive difference in themselves. After all, we all want to let other people know that we are fine, that we are not waging a war inside our head.

So I took the time to start jotting down the things that I believed I was using to numb myself out and that I believed to be detrimental to my health. The first thing I started doing was to stop overeating, we live in a society where food is so readily available that we can have a sugar related dopamine rush within minutes of having a craving.  This is the same for television, social media, alcohol, drugs or any other dopamine introducing agent. Not only is it possible to lose yourself with these mediums, but, you also waste a lot of your most precious resource, time. A realization that many of us struggle to make.

Secondly, I needed to seek professional help. Many of us do not take this step, because of stigma or embarrassment, after all, we need to let others know we are fine. Going to a professional for help is not pretty at first, and it takes multiple sessions to start un-peeling the layers of your depression. In the end, it is worth taking the step to start achieving a greater understanding of yourself and the depression that you are dealing with.

As a final step there are methods that can help relieve depressive and anxiety symptoms. These include mindfulness and meditation, psycho-education and expressing gratitude or setting goals to achieve for oneself. Another important factor for people who are suffering is that they should be allowed to talk about their feelings with you, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Depression comes in many shapes and forms, one in ten people will suffer from a depressive episode in their life. It is therefore important for us to raise our awareness and try to help those that are going through a tough time, by guiding them to the help they need and by showing them that we, in fact, do care about them.

My personal journey with depression has with me for a long time, but, I am finally starting to break the barriers and fixing my collapsed perception of myself and those around me. I would not say that I am 100% there already, but, by teaching myself to love myself and those around me, I am finding a new reason to live, a new reason to fight and a new reason to take care of myself and love myself. Something that we all forget to do from time to time.

In closing, if there is anybody that reads this that is struggling, or that have family members, with depression or suicidal thoughts, it is of the utmost importance, that they seek the help that they need. 90% of all suicide cases can be prevented with treatment, which includes therapy, medication and mindfulness, among other things.

It is also important that we take the time to realize that we are good enough, that we are lovable and that we are worthy of great things and that every human being deserves our compassion, love and respect, regardless of their background. And that we constantly remind each other of this fact, because we need each other to lean on, because life is short, and we never know when someone is losing the battle.

Another Persons Story

I've battled depression for a very long time, but also self-mutilate... to the extent that I might as well get a semi-colon - why mark your skin in such an ugly way, if you could remind yourself (friends and family) that you WOULD like to stop the madness? The blue butterfly (which could also be a heart) signifies the depression > both as close to my Achilles heel as the tattooist dared. Myscelia cyaniris

And Another

; we are the authors and this is our life - keep going

Mine

This is mine - it has different meanings for me, I fight depression on a daily basis. I spend days and sometimes weeks under that dark sky, its another normality and and no-one sees past the smile. After all what does depression actually look like? I have heard people say things like "you need to sort yourself out" or "it's your decision weather you want to be depressed" People can make these all encompassing statements from a point of absolute ignorance, after all do they believe that people really want to be like this? All I can say to them is, don't judge me until you have walked two miles in my mind.

I also have a very special daughter (She is my step-daughter and I love her so much) She is a Special needs child, who is almost 19, and has Williams Syndrome. I have heard people refer to "her problem" I don't believe she has a problem. She is who she was made to be and everywhere she goes, she takes light with her. 

I have seen her bring joy into peoples live's just because she loves people, loves talking to people and has no preconceived notions or judgments, A young girl who just loves being with and among people, the joy and happiness she spreads to people she comes in contact with, is a gift that not many people have.

To you sweetheart, you are a light in a world that often forgets what it is to just accept others, enjoy their company and love.

Take another step... There should always be another pathway, that's the hope.